How to Approach Your College Professor with Confidence: Tips and Strategies
The craziest story I ever heard from a student about a professor was five years ago. It was the beginning of fall semester. Campus was bustling with energy! Students trying to find classrooms. People were happily chatting everywhere excited for the new start. I was sitting in my office responding to my emails and I heard a light knock on the door. I turn and see my student Sam in the door.
Sam asked if I had a moment to discuss what had just happened in her class. She seemed deflated and had clearly felt upset. Sam sat down and told me what happened. She said that for the first twenty minutes of her communication class, the professor actively tried to intimidate and scare students. Using previous stories and statistics (true or invented) the professor convinced her, and the class, that they were unlikely to pass. The professor said not to waste their time, drop the class, if they weren’t up for the job. Sam said the person sitting in front of her in class began to cry.
As Sam began discussing her situation, I instantly knew the exact professor she was describing. Just last semester, I heard a similar story from a student. The difference? This student was locked out of the classroom for being five minutes late.
As a professor, advisor, and coach this made me furious! Professors need to care and be understanding. Students are not just going to college! They are balancing a million other life responsibilities.
→ My philosophy with my students: “I am not here to make your life harder. We are here to learn and have fun…
Life is hard enough! ←
The reality is that not all professors are warm and fuzzy. The reason? Professors are hired because they are experts in their field, not because they are good teachers. Experts first, teachers second. At universities many professors' main priority is their research and publishing. Teaching is just a part of their contract.
Have you ever found yourself wanting to ask a question of the professor but you feel scared? Totally understandable! You are not alone. This is a common thing many students feel.
As a college student you need to ask for help sometimes. And you are entitled to do that! Afterall, you are paying this professor to teach you.
Keep reading to discover tips and tricks to help you talk with your professors (or anyone you feel is an authority). These tips and tricks can be applied to many different life situations!
As with all of my tips and tricks, some you will keep and some you won’t. Remember, college success is all about finding your recipes for college success! Not sure what I am talking about? Read about the recipe HERE
When might you need to talk with your professor?
You need extra help
You have questions about content
You would like an update on your grade
You need to pick a college advisor
Your professor suggested an opportunity for students in class and you would like to take advantage
You need a recommendation letter for graduate school or a job
Tips and tricks to help you approach your professor:
→ Send them an email: Maybe this seems obvious, but sending an email gives you distance. You can avoid the anxiety of the in-person meeting (although this is a skill to build in the future)
→ Ask a friend: You may be nervous to approach a professor by yourself. Ask a classmate, or friend, to go talk with the professor with you.
→ Reframe the situation and change your mindset. Arm yourself with these 3 important skills for success:
Understanding authority
the power of “act as if”
Empathy
How are these useful for you? Let’s discuss-
1: Understanding authority:
Fight your anxiety through a change in your mindset and the power of knowledge. To do this it is helpful to know a little psychology. Specifically, human psychology surrounding authority as professors are an authority figure.
A little bit about your brain and authority through the landmark study known as “The Milgram Experiment”:
What is the Milgram experiment? Wikipedia summarizes it as:
“... a series of social psychology experiments were conducted by Yale University psychologist Stanley Milgram, who intended to measure the willingness of study participants to obey an authority figure who instructed them to perform acts conflicting with their personal conscience.”
In short, Milgram (dressed in a doctors’ coat) instructed subjects to administer a shock to a person in the other room. Half way through the study, the person in the other room began screaming. Milgram instructed the subject to continue to shock the person in the other room. As you might guess, the subject felt bad and didn’t want to administer the shock but did so anyway. This study proved that humans follow authority, even against their own judgment
HOW CAN YOU USE THIS INFORMATION? The professor is an authority figure to you. But it means nothing. They are just another human being. To change your mindset use a little self talk, “they are just another person”.
2: Act as if and practice:
Remember, you are the customer. Imagine that you are in a restaurant. You are very hungry and the waiter is taking forever to come to your table. When the waiter finally arrives they are rude, short, and overall unpleasant. After you put in your order, the food takes forever. Do you have the right to discuss this situation with the manager? I would argue yes!
Professors have a boss. Their DIRECT boss is either:
The Department Head
The Division Dean
Vice President
Get brave and reach out to the professors’ supervisor if your professor is not responding or is not helpful. If the supervisor is unhelpful, find their supervisor. Go all the way to the top if you need to!
Now that you have the mindset of a customer, you can add “act as if”.
“Act as if” is a version of “the self fulfilling prophecy”. If you imagine, pretend, believe that you will accomplish something, you are more likely to achieve that goal. For example, if you “act as if” you will do well on a test, you are more likely to do well. This is not a 100% guarantee. Increase your likelihood just by “faking it until you make it”, not too hard! If you would like to learn more about that phenomenon go here https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-fulfilling_prophecy
To successfully “act as if” in this type of situation, practice the conversation ahead of time. Write it out and read it out loud. Practice with a close friend or family member. This will give you the confidence to “act as if” you are NOT nervous or intimidated when you are approaching your professor, “fake it until you make it”.
3: Empathize with Professors and understand your audience:
There are two important things to keep in mind about the work and background of a professor.
1: After teaching a class, professors will get tired.
2: Professors are experts, not teachers.
After teaching class: I can attest to the fact that after I teach a class, I often feel tired. It could be the second or third class I taught that day. Sometimes I am not as warm and fuzzy as normal. And this is the time the majority of students mill around waiting to discuss something with me.
From my perspective, I feel tired and overwhelmed. I have just taught 3 classes, I have a line of students who need something with me, emails from other students waiting, letters of recommendation to write, etc.after I am a little burnt out. Yes, you are the customer. At the same time, professors are human.
Last but certainly not least——YOU CAN DO IT!!
I know this can feel scary, but it is something you can overcome. Being able to talk to authority figures is a skill that will serve you forever! Using these tips, or working with a coach, you can work towards improving your skills AND feel confident to handle situations like what Sam and my other students have faced.
Summary
Email your professor: Use the distance email creates to overcome your anxiety
Ask a friend to go with you or stay after class with you
Reframe the situation and change your mindset by:
Understanding authority
Act as if and practice
Empathize with your audience: Professors are human
Want help to develop any of these skills? That's why I’m here! To support you in learning new skills to be successful in college! Email me at deanna@collegesuccesscoaching.org OR schedule a FREE chat!
Any other tips or tricks you have tried when you are speaking with an authority figure?
Leave a comment!
I would love to know!
